What’s Their Problem?

Or more accurately, what do your ideal clients think their big problems are?

Now that you have a niche that you love and that has enough specificity to experiment, you’ll want to get similar clarity on their problems. 

Remember in marketing, clarity means:

• You are able to take messaging directly from the framework, use it in your marketing, and efficiently generate new clients

• The framework is accurate enough that your clients recognize their problems in your marketing

The Problem Framework

The problem framework is meant to simplify the creation of your marketing materials and, when you’re ready, to make it easy for you to generate novel, non-session income-generating solutions.

The problem framework is a series of questions that build on each other to completely capture the key points needed for your marketing.

Questions

What is the situation your client finds themselves in?

Or what is the situation or series of events or context that create the conditions for the problem your ideal client finds themselves in?

This “situation” stems from the role and context that you use to define your ideal client (if you haven’t read that blog post, it will help).

For example, if your ideal client is Indian Female Doctors and the context is navigating the complexities of their marriage, family, and culture in America, a situation might be: planning their child’s birthday party.  

The answer to this question is sometimes best stated as a story:  

For example, when my ideal client goes to plan birthdays for their son, they run into strict expectations from their in-laws.  When my client asserts their individuality as the child’s parent, the in-laws organize against her and pressure her to conform.  Oftentimes, my client’s husband will either passively accept the demands of the in-laws or take an active role in pressuring her to conform.  This group pressure leaves my clients feeling alone, trapped, demoralized, and scared.  

NOTE: This isn’t a time for speaking abstractly.  The more concrete and specific you can be, the easier the rest of the process will be.  

Within this situation, what are your client’s top goals?

Within your ideal client’s context, what are they consciously and unconsciously trying to achieve?  Another way to phrase this is: my ideal client is trying to DO X so they can FEEL A and AVOID FEELING B.

Using the above example: The Doctor Mom’s goal is to create a happy experience for her child so she can experience the child’s joy and feel like a great Mom, while avoiding feeling stressed, out of control, and disparaged.  

Given this goal, what is their big problem?

Or what is blocking them from achieving their goal? 

This big problem, one of many, is their perception of what’s blocking them from their goal.  As you write it out, make sure you describe something concrete and specific, i.e., something they can see, experience, or hold.  You should not use an abstract concept like ‘boundary issues.’  A more abstract phrasing might help you address the issue therapeutically, however we aren’t at that stage yet.  We are still at the stage where we are working to attract clients and we need a concrete description of the problem so your potential clients can immediately and viscerally recognize their problems in your writing.  

Again using the above example, our Mom’s problem might be that her mother-in-law calls her to dictate what the birthday should be.  Then she organizes other family members, to call her and speak to her husband.  And additionally, her husband pressures her to comply without acknowledging the unhealthy situation this creates and the impact on our Mom’s feelings.

As a result of this problem, how is your client’s life impacted?

Problems are problems because they create specific and concrete undesirable changes to our lives.  Here again, we want to mirror that specificity and concreteness so that our clients can easily recognize the impact.  Abstract statements like ‘lost autonomy’ while accurate are hard to recognize in the split second we have to speak to your audience while they’re Instagram scrolling.

Our Mom’s life might be changed because she has started screening calls from her in-laws.  She might notice herself wanting to spend less time with her husband.  She might find herself avoiding contact with her in-laws at parties or gatherings.  

How does this make them feel? 

In marketing there is a saying: ‘our actions are driven by feelings and justified with logic.’  By clarifying the feelings our clients associate with their perceived problems, our marketing can connect better with our audience.

Our Mom might feel angry at herself for letting this situation happen.  She might feel out of control.  She might feel anxious and angry at her in-laws.  She might start to feel distant from her husband.  She might feel unsafe and alone in her marriage.   

Why do your clients believe this problem persists?

As this issue appears again and again in their lives, your client will generate some explanation for why the problem continues.  As you know, clients attribute their unhappiness to a lot of different things.  Sometimes, it's their world view: “life is unfair.”  Sometimes, it’s someone else’s fault: “my husband refuses to listen.”  Sometimes, they blame themselves: “I’m just no good.”

If you speak to the reasons they believe they’re stuck, they will recognize themselves in your marketing.  And, they will be more likely to see you as a key part of the fix.

Our Mom blames her mother-in-law whose need for control, attention, and relevance has caused her to attempt to dominate the system, the family who fear and enable the mother-in-law, and her husband who she now secretly views as a ‘Mommy’s Boy.’

What is the hair-on-fire igniter?

While the problems we are going to address in your marketing are persistent, we generally face strong feelings about those problems when certain events ‘trigger’ us.  These may be interactions with other people (e.g., speaking with our boss), seeing or hearing something (e.g., seeing kids playing after losing a child), and/or visiting a location (e.g., the location of our first date).  

Our ads will be most effective immediately after a prospective client experiences one of these triggers.  Further, if our marketing references these triggers, it will further help your clients recognize themselves and make the ad even more effective.

In the case of our Mom, calls from her mother-in-law to her husband have become instant triggers for her.  While she knows these calls are a normal part of family life, she feels a moment of rage that causes her to leave the situation to compose herself.  

How have they attempted to solve the problem? 

In our role as marketers, we want to convince ourselves that the problems we are addressing are significant.  

For every important life problem, we have tried at least one (but likely more) ways to solve it.  By detailing how your prospective customers have attempted to fix a problem, you are validating that a solution to that problem would be valuable and you are creating more effective copywriting.

For example, if we are creating a blog post meant to attract our Mom, we might write: “You’ve talked to your husband and that conversation went nowhere.  You’ve tried avoiding your mother-in-law’s calls only to be shamed by the family…”   

Why did they try it?

Very few things create rapport faster than having our beliefs echoed back to us.

Your ideal client has a certain worldview that led them to take the approach they took to solve their problem.  Including those beliefs into your marketing is yet another way to increase the power of your marketing and make sure you truly understand your client.

For our Mom, you might say, “you probably assumed that your husband would have your back…” 

Why do they think their solution didn’t work?

Upon failing to solve their problem, your ideal client will use their model of the world and their self-story to generate an explanation of why their attempt failed.  As you're well aware, they may blame something external or themselves.  That explanation is the setup to highlight your unique approach.  As a result, it’s important to document their beliefs.  

For example, we might know that our Mom believes her attempt to reason with her husband failed because he is either too weak or loves his Mom more than her, i.e. has “mommy issues.” 

You might include this in your marketing as such: “You might assume that the reason asking your husband for support failed is because he lacks a backbone or doesn’t love you enough.  This feeling is natural.  My unique understanding of the challenges professionals face in our culture and my deep experience helping others face these unique issues will help you figure out: ‘what’s next.’  Help you determine the best path to the life you want to lead - the life you should be living.”

And that’s it.  

Once you clarify this problem analysis, we will use it to create your marketing materials.  The only remaining piece of the marketing puzzle is describing your unique strategy to solving their problem and why, unlike their approach, it will work.  

Remember, your strategy description will of course include your therapeutic frame e.g., CBT, but it must include how your unique application of that framework can solve their problems.  

However, we will discuss that in another blog post.  For now, you have all you need to get started.  

Now let’s create an example to put it together…

The example below is a blog post.  The potential client arrived at this blog post from an Instagram Ad.  

Why does planning anything with my Indian Mother-in-Law have to be a battle?

Maybe it’s that phone call to your husband, where you can hear his mother’s voice in the background, directing the conversation. 

A flash of anger ignites within you. 

You have to step away, take a breath, just to compose yourself. What should be a normal family interaction feels like a personal affront.

Sound familiar?

Whether it’s your child’s birthday or Thanksgiving dinner? 

Lately, being a Mom is feeling more like a battleground. Especially when well-meaning family expectations clash with how you want to celebrate your child.

Strict traditions. Unrealistic Expectations.  Your interactions with his family are now feeling less like helpful suggestions and more like demands.

You In The Pressure Cooker

You try to assert your own desires as the parent. You envision a celebration that reflects your child’s personality and your values. But instead of collaboration, you face resistance. The in-laws might organize, subtly (or not so subtly) pressuring you to conform.

And your husband? He might be caught in the middle. Perhaps he passively accepts his family’s demands, or even actively encourages you to just “go along with it.”

Suddenly, you feel alone. Trapped between your desire to honor your family and your fundamental right to make decisions for your own child. Demoralized by the lack of support. And yes, maybe even a little scared of the growing tension.

Your Goal is Simple, Right?

You want to create a happy, memorable experience for your child. To soak in their joy and feel that deep satisfaction of being a great mom.

What you don’t want? The stress. The feeling of being out of control. The sting of feeling disparaged for wanting to do things your way.

But Here’s the Problem

It might feel like the problem is just the birthday party itself. Or those insistent phone calls from your mother-in-law dictating the guest list and the menu. Or even the way she rallies other family members to her side, creating a united front against your wishes.

And then there’s your husband’s pressure. His inability to see the unhealthy dynamic, the way it chips away at your feelings and your sense of partnership.

But It’s More Than Just a Party…

You might find yourself dreading family gatherings. Screening calls from your mother-in-law. That warmth you once felt towards your husband might be cooling. You might even start avoiding contact altogether, creating distance where there should be connection.

The Feelings? They’re Real and Valid.

That simmering anger at yourself for letting this happen? The frustration of feeling powerless? The anxiety and resentment towards your in-laws? The growing distance from your husband? That unsettling feeling of being alone and unsupported in your own marriage?

These feelings are valid. You deserve to feel heard and respected in your own family.

Why Does This Keep Happening?

You might find yourself blaming your mother-in-law’s need for control, her desire to stay relevant. You might see the family dynamics, the way they enable her behavior. And that secret resentment towards your husband might be growing – that feeling that he’s prioritizing his mother’s wishes over your own.

You’ve Tried, Haven’t You?

You’ve likely talked to your husband, hoping for understanding, for support. And maybe that conversation went nowhere. You might have even tried to subtly push back against your mother-in-law’s suggestions, only to face passive-aggressive comments or outright disapproval from the family.

You Assumed You Had Support from the Man You Love the Most…

You probably assumed that your husband would be your partner, your advocate. That he would stand by you.  That he would stand up for you when navigating these cultural and familial nuances in your new life.

But that didn’t happen.

It’s Not About Love… It’s About Understanding.

You might be left feeling like he doesn’t have your back, that he values his mother’s opinion more than your feelings. That’s a natural conclusion to draw.

But what if it’s not about a lack of love? 

What if it’s about navigating complex cultural expectations and communication styles within a family system?

There’s a Path Forward.

You don’t have to keep feeling this way. You don’t have to dread every family event.

My unique understanding of the challenges professional women like you face, balancing a high pressure career, family, and cultural expectations in America, can help. 

As an Indian Therapist who grew up multicultural, I provide a safe and supportive space to explore these complex dynamics. Together, we can develop strategies to:

• Communicate your needs effectively within your family.

• Establish healthy boundaries while respecting cultural values.

• Strengthen your partnership with your husband.

• Regain your sense of control and peace within your family life.

Ready to reclaim the joy in your family and feel more empowered in your marriage?

Click the link in bio to schedule a free consultation. Let’s talk about how you can navigate these challenges and build the fulfilling life you deserve.